If

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!

–Rudyard Kipling

I am sitting on a bright orange leather couch in between two paintings, one named "finding a balance" the other named "eruption" and somehow I can relate to both.

one year later

Another Valentine's Day.

This has been a year of transition. Last year on this date was my last time running competitively. Last year at this time was when Zoe was diagnosed with cancer. Last year at this time Mike and I started thinking about what our lives would be going forward.

Turns out they are all just memories now. Running. Zoe. My Marriage. Good memories, funny memories, some hard memories. My house has been emptied.

Workout Jan 6, 2009
First time back on track in a couple of weeks. What joy! Ran with Catherine in a very crowded Reggie Lewis Center and it was pure bliss. All fall it was long long workouts, so to run 200s and 300s in the low 30s was a terrific feeling. Kevin gave us the Sev special 3x200,2x300,500,2x300,3x200 break 400 hard. I actually have very bad memories of this workout because if you hit it just right, the 300s coming down were worse than death.

In general it's been a great week. All my boys ran breakthrough workouts. Big Game James, who we converted from the marathon to the 800 is completely hooked. Mike O continues to impress with sub 30 200s and sub 60 400s eventhough he's only been training for a couple of months after a 25 year hiatus. Oddly enough to say, I had a rare and exceptional good hair week, as noted by my good friend Carrie.

Watched the bu mini meet which got me all reved up to run..

Workout 1/3/09 alter g 80%-a lot of fun!Increase volume, incline and pace to account for reduced force.

3X1000m 2:51
6x600 1:41,1:40,1:39;1:38,1:36,1:36
400 60sec

I've had a bunch of people ask if I would go back to it. Maybe if I weren't so accident prone!Darn sprained ankle!

Really,it's a sad thing for me, to face the world as a reduced,out of shape athlete. I finally figured out what it takes to stay healthy and there's no doubt if I could afford it, I could return to a top level. Deluded I know. What runner isn't?!

For now I will have to return to work on Monday with running on my mind.

31 Dec workout

Why keep doing this?

Worked a half day. Worked out on treadmill because of snow storm:

Progressive 25 min warm up with last mile at 5:02.
10X400 with 90 second rest at 6:22 pace 68 67 67 67.66 66 66 65 65 64

800 2:14

workout dec 28

I think I may have a problem...a running problem. I can't stop.

About 3 weeks ago I fell off of 2in ledge at reggie lewis and really haven't been able to run since...but I have. That alter g is the ultimate running drug. Check out this workout (that I would never be able to do on the dry land at this point):

400 68
400 68
800 2:24
800 2:24
mile 4:48
mile 4:42
800 2:20
mile 4:38
400 66

Rest depending on the interval 60sec to 3 min

I should not be allowed anywhere near this thing. It makes me feel like a real runner again.

‘A man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive ... and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life, and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done.’
- Vince Lombardi

I had a good friend once tell me that any thing is possible but you have to believe in it down to the very core of your being, to every cell, to every molecule so that everything is working toward that goal...and I do believe that.

Where's eden?

I raced in Providence this past weekend for the USATF Championship 5k. My team won!!! which was very exciting, considering a couple of months ago I had literally thrown away all running gear thinking I would be cycling and doing yoga and kayaking and rock climbing. I discovered battling it out on heartbreak hill with ten other women is much better than standing in contorting poses in a 125 degree hot yoga studio. That's just not my thing.

Anyway, I'm at the race and my entire team, except me, was allowed into the "elite" tent. Our leader, Erin offered to sneak my bag in so it would be safe, but I opted for a hiding it in bush instead. How far I've wandered from the garden. oh well, no complaints...I still pr'd

Women's Olympic Marathon Trials 2008

The marathon is truly an amazing event. There is so much time for so much to happen that even favorites are not certainties. I went in to Boston to watch the women’s trials earlier today and I came away awed and with a deep found respect for the event and the runners. So much can happen in a race so long, both good and bad, it almost seems that it is the cruelest and most unpredictable of all running events.

Running can be a sport of privilege where some people are given every advantage—altitude houses, anti-gravity treadmills, expensive trainers and experts, traveling to training camps all over the place. It can be a sport of dishonesty, where lately it seems that most of the very best have gotten there by cheating. But running is also one of those rare sports where occasionally plain old talent, hard work and planning pay off.

This is why I was most happy to see Blake earn that Olympic spot. Blake is one of the toughest, most persistent runners I’ve ever encountered. Mike likes recounting a time over 6 years ago doing a workout with her when after finishing about 5 miles worth of hard intervals on the track, she kept asking to do more (and faster) intervals. Mike asked Sev what pace and Sev kept saying…I don’t know, just follow Blake…I think their last mile was in 4:40 and Sev finally convinced her to stop. Although I haven’t seen Blake or Sev in some time, I am truly happy that she made it. It’s nice seeing good things happen to good people…finally!

Finding the Cookie

Wow, it’s been almost 2 months since I’ve written last. So much has happened, both good and bad.

I’ll get the bad out of the way first. Zoe, my beloved coon hound, has cancer, lymphoma to be exact. I had suspected something was amiss about 2 months ago, but the vet at the Hawthorne Animal Clinic assured me that it was just Lyme disease, acquired from a run in the woods no doubt. One day Zoe simply wouldn’t get up. I rushed her back to the same clinic but this time they said it was most definitely cancer. I brought her to an oncologist the next day and he said the lymphoma was stage 3 or 4. He indicated that treated in stage one or two, 95% of dogs go into complete remission without reoccurrence. At stage 3-4, he gave her 30 days without treatment. So now every Wednesday we drop Zoe off for a ½ day of chemotherapy. I love that darn dog. I’ll never be angry for her pilfering entire loaves of bread, entire chicken roasts and anything accidentally left on the counter top again.

The second bit of bad news was that I had torn a muscle that flexes the big toe (flexor hallicus longus) just before the Tyson meet and ripped it a bit more at Tyson. Who does that? After 10 day of cross training and some bizarre strengthening exercises, I seem to be ok. The body is so weird. Why does it betray so many runners? I started seeing this amazing strength and conditioning coach, Mike Boyle (www.bodybyboyle.com) and I could see his immediate frustration with distance runners. He said, “I always ask middle/distance runners what injuries they have or just got over because without exception they all have had an injury, are injured or on the verge of injury. I don’t see that in other sports.” The same mechanism that makes runners shut out the “pain” during a race, is what makes runners shut out the “pain” when on the verge ripping or damaging something. Certainly, there has to be a different way, a more balanced way of existing.

These low points really force one into a state of introspection. I remember a time in college when I was taking art classes at the MFA (with the Tufts affiliation program) and I came across this amazing painting of Job, afflicted, screaming out to God ,”WHY?”. I was an atheist then, frustrated with all those moments when it seemed that God allowed some of the worst atrocities to happen to the most virtuous people. Life seemed so unfair, how could a creator allow these things to occur. Now I believe that sometimes there is no reason, no reason that good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. … no reason, but there is always hope. Sometimes that hope comes in forms and places that are completely unexpected, but if you hang in there, stay optimistic, and look for the signs, you can find greatness and even happiness in those dark moments.

-------------------------------------

The week between Zoe’s first and second chemo treatment was glorious. We went to the beach every day, I cooked her an anti-cancer diet, I practiced the energy therapy that I had learned in massage therapy school, but most importantly, I found time to reflect and appreciate a steadfast companion and friend. We fondly recalled the time she ate 40 bulky rolls at Mike’s 30^th birthday part or managing to unzip a duffle bag and open 2 boxes of girl scout cookies. A week after Zoe started chemo, we found out her cancer went into complete remission, with no signs of cancer in any of the tests. The vet said it was a small miracle.

My foot, of course was completely secondary to all this, but still a blow. Rather than my usually course of abusive cross training, I simply let it go. I would not punish myself this time. Sure I diligently rode the bike, went to the pool, went to my lifting sessions…but I also went out and got a job that was completely unrelated to running. What a blessing this has been. I work with a great group of brilliant women that have provided great balance to my life.

Maybe that is the secret: balance, appreciating what is good, having goals and enjoying the process of reaching them, being persistent, and expecting good things to happen. One thing that dog has taught me…if you search the counters diligently enough, you are bound to find a tasty morsel.

Valentine's Day

I met my husband, Michael, through, what else, but running. We were both running for a local running club. I was in the novice group and he was in the elite group. How envious I was of that group of select athletes who were given a uniform and a pair of shoes and were chosen to compete for the club. I can't believe the things I did then...like riding my bike 10 miles to practice or getting 6 hours of sleep every night, going out with friends just about every night of the week, trying to eat less than 1200KCal a day because I thought I was chunky . No wonder I never made the elite team!

Even before I started dating Michael, he was helping me with my running. I must have looked so ridiculous at the workouts because I would always hammer the strides and then bomb during the outrageously long intervals. With that group it was really the only opportunity to run fast, and boy did I love running fast. Mike tried to key me into the fact that maybe it wasn't so cool to hammer the strides...This was my first lesson. Later it was, "Jen, you may not want to always "win" the workouts." The worst lesson was when I started running the 800 and he gave me the race strategy of, "Go as hard as you can to the 600...don't worry about that last 200, just see what you have for a 600." Of course, for those of you who have run an 800 know, running as hard as possible to 600m makes for a very ugly last 200m!

Michael has helped me in so many ways--being my workout partner, finding me good coaching, calming me down before races, making sure I'm eating well and taking care of myself, becoming a massage therapist to help keep me healthy (how lucky am I?); but perhaps the biggest thing he has ever done for me is make me believe that I am something better. He has this unquestioning belief that I can do whatever I want, even when I'm not so sure. He has always been in the background supporting me, for reasons I will never know. Why would he ever think that I would ever amount to anything in running? Yet, when I first ran 2:03 he told me that if I ran 2:01 I should consider running full time just to see what's in there...about a week later I ran 2:01 and that season I ran 2:00 about 10 times! So began my glorious life as "professional" runner.

I think a lot of young athletes, maybe even older ones, too, think that the sport is very glamorous and that the "pros" make a ton of money doing exactly what we love to do. Well, kids, don't drop out of school or quit your jobs unless you are committed to a life of 10% glory and 90% grueling work, injuries, and financial instablity. Believe me, that 10% makes it 100% worth it...but it is not for the faint of heart. It takes sacrifice on the part of the athlete, but also on every one else in their lives. You can't do it without support.

When Mike and I were first married, 10 years ago, we received a beautiful set of silverware. I loved it...that girly part in me just loved the nice forks and spoons. It cost a ton of money. I had a small sponsorship deal at the time, but not nearly enough to cover expenses, and one day I took that beautiful set of silver and sold it to pay for a trip to a race. I guess it was worth it because I ran really well. This exactly sums up my life, our lives with running--Selling a wedding gift to run a race to run a good time.

And so on this Valentine's Day, this day of celebrating love, I will be on a plane to Arkansas for a race; but this is the life that we signed up for, and there is no better gift than running as a team.

The value of nothing.

Don't underestimate the value of doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering. -A. A. Milne (Pooh's little instruction book)

My days are getting more and less intense now.

Workouts are increasingly harder, fun but hard. Our last one Tuesday was with the Peabody 4x800 team (josh squared, ryan & ramses) who could very well be the very best and toughest high school 4x800 team I've ever seen. We ran sets of race pace 300s with short rest. By the end no one was standing.

The time in between runs, workouts and lifting sessions, however, is an exercise in nothing. I've been doubling just about every day, although the morning runs are pushed later and later. Can I still count it as a morning run if I start at 11:45am? The naps are longer and longer. I would hate to hear the statistic of how much of my life I've slept away.

I almost think that I should feel guilty about the nothingness, but I don't. I accomplish more in this time of nothing than I would trying to fill my time with "important" stuff that truly is nothing.

FAITH, HOPE, LOVE & LUCK

A couple of years ago my beloved sister gave me a key chain charm in the shape of a four leaf clover. Each leaf had a saying...Faith, Love, Hope & Luck.

I don't know exactly when it happened but the clover leaf busted a part so all I have left now is Faith and Love.

This past weekend I ran the GBTC 800. I won't pretend that I wasn't a tad disappointed. We're on a tough schedule now where we've spent the past couple of weeks packing in really tough- to the ground-warm spits- heavy eye lids- numb arm -grind -type workouts. I've been feeling so good about my training, though. My mileage is good, my interval times are right on. I'm working my butt off. Just a couple of seconds faster and I would have been happy. Don't runners say that all the time? I wonder if there is someone who doesn't say that...Maybe after running a world record or winning a gold medal (or both) someone may say that, but I can't imagine who else would be satisfied. Needless to say, I don't think my coach was very satisfied with the race either. We did a hard 1200 once everyone cleared out and are schedule to do a hard work out tonight, just two days later.

When we sat down at the beginning of the middle phase of training, my coach and I agreed, we're training through indoors. The main goal is June, July and God willing August. It seemed so easy to say "train through" in December, but now that the races are HERE, I find myself wishing that my legs weren't so tired or at least not so swollen from being ripped a part in the workouts. That is where a coach can be so valuable...someone to stay objective and even-keeled through all the raging storms of running and racing and training.

Faith, Hope, Love, & Luck. So much of a dream is made of these things.

I know that I have to keep Faith that I'm on the right path. This isn't always easy when doubt sneaks it's way back into my mind, or when the workouts are so hard I don't know if I can finish them. Still, I have Love for running that I've never known before. Being hurt so much in the past years and now (knock on wood) not feeling any pain is a amazing. Oh..I get tired and the workouts hurt, but it's liberating to run and not worry about breaking something.

Now if I could only find where I put Hope and Luck I might be a track to do something big...

**********************************************
I can't believe it. I just found my Luck and my Hope!
Not even 15 minutes after writing this post, there they were sitting right out in the open like they were just waiting to be found.

MustRunOmania

If I were clever, I would come up with a word that describes that craziness that over takes a hurt runner to justify running through anything. One of my training partners is struggling with a hamstring injury where XXXX hasn't been able to run a workout in sometime because of the intense pain. XXXX finally was able to set up an appointment to see a great PT and the very best chiropractor for runners in less than a week's time, so I was surprised when I got this message:

...would love to try to get on the track tomorrow if at all possible. I won’t force it, but I’d like to warm up and see if I can get in a good, hard session. At that point, even if I end up in the pool for the next two days, I know I’ve got help on the near-horizon....

Every runner I know has been at this place of madness. First it's complete depression, then denial, then optimism, more depression, realization of reality, more depression, excessive cross training, total lethargy, frustration at the slow rebuilding, and finally it's over like it never happened.

I can think of 2 particularly low moments. Once I iced my knee so much that I got frostbike (oops); another time when a doctor told me that some pain in my foot was just a pinched nerve and the biggest threat was overcompensating....I smeared capsaicin cream (hot pepper) all over both feet so that each foot was on fire, but at least equally on fire. Warning, this hurt like h*ll, but it did work.


Recently I was talking to my chiropractor, Dr. Michaud, about how I feel fortunate that we runners can experience and get through pain that 99.9% of the population will never know. "It's life at an extreme," I told him. How many people in the this country have to work so hard in training? How many people have to do double sessions or workout in extreme weather conditions? How many have to go into battle knowing that it may be so hard at the end that the only thing you can do to get through to the finish line is pump your arms in hopes that the legs will follow? "Isn't that just amazing? Aren't runners so cool and courageous?" I inquired. "I hate to break it to you, Jen," he said,"but you don't exactly see those qualities come in to play in regular life...I'm not exactly trying to push through the pain here to get to my next patient."

He might have a point. Maybe it isn't normal to want to experience these things. But who wants to be normal?

Now...off to the gym.

TEFF

A couple of years ago, a good friend, "Dark Mark" , came to visit for a couple of weeks to help us run a high altitude camp in Flagstaff. He's a great coach and a little bit of a running geek (no offense Mark) kind of like my husband. Mark is the kind of guy who likes a lot of order in his diet, and every morning he would prepare a dish made out of a chocolaty flour he had transported 4000 miles. "What the h*ll is that, Mark?"
"Teff"
My husband's culinary palate is more canned black olives, little debbies, and jelly donuts; so I'm always a little surprised when a man not only cooks, but uses an ingredient I don't know.

Turns out that Teff is good stuff.

Olympic and World Marathon Champ Gezahegne Abera in a cool running interview said of it:
“In Ethiopia, every athlete eats teff. We believe our ancient grain helps us train harder than athletes from any other country. That is why we are champions.”

Teff is a powerhouse of nutrition with high levels of many different nutrients: calcium, iron, phosphorus, copper, barium, thiamin. It's also very high in protein and has all 8 essential amino acids.

Dark Mark ordered his Teff in bulk from the internet. At the time, there was no way I was going to order a flour that was $6-10 per lb (regular organic whole wheat is $.89 per lb by contrast). Recently, however, I saw the stuff at Whole Foods and I decided to try it.

I'm sure I completely Americanized the stuff by making a type of brownie with lots of sweet, but I admit, I'm kind of hooked now. Below are two "teff" recipes that I like. One is more cake like, the other is a cookie listed on the bag of flour.

Bob's Red Mill Teff Peanut Butter Cookies


Breakfast Gingerbread Teff Bars
1cup teff
1/2cup whole wheat flour
1tsp baking powder
1/2tsp baking soda
dash of salt
1tsp each spices: cinnamon, ginger and/or 1/2tsp cloves
1tsp vanilla
1/2 + cups of molasses or other sweetener
1/2 cup vegetable oil (probably a faux pas,but I use light olive oil)
2 eggs or 4 egg whites or a combo of the two

Mix wet ingredients, mix dry ingredients...mix together, spread out to about brownie height in a small baking dish. Cook at 375 for 15-20 minutes or until spongy.

First Track Race

Got it over with...the first track race in 2 years! Once again, the people in Boston prove to be some amazing track competitors and spectators.

I had such mixed feelings about this race. The race, wasn't a big one. We didn't change our training for it, we didn't focus on it. It was just short of being a workout. I can not minimize, however, the importance of this one little race to me.

My last time on the track came in the winter of 06. I had been training in Flagstaff at the High Altitude Training Center for 6 months. I completely changed my training to focus on my weak points, strength. I ran so many long intervals (A typical week would be Tues mile repeats with 1 minute rest, Wed 10x 1 min treadmill hills at 15% incline with equal rest, Thursday 3 sets of circuits with 400s and 600s, Sat track workout like 10x400 @mile race pace with 2min rest, Sun 10 mile marathon pace run). I am a good soldier and did absolutely everything that was prescribed, but when the time came to race I was racing the slowest I had in over 6 years.

What a weird feeling to give up so much, to put so much time and energy and soul into something; to find out that it was a BIG WASTE OF TIME. And time is not something that I feel like I have a lot of in this sport. I just turned 36! You listen to some of the broadcasts or read some of the message boards and you would think that I would be scooting around the track with a walker and oxygen tank. I don't believe this...heck, I keep hearing rumors that Geb is really 40...didn't he just break the wr in the marathon?

This race today was about coming over self doubt. It was the last stage in my full recovery from Flagstaff...I am healthy. I can workout harder and faster than ever, and I can race and enjoy it. I didn't run super fast(4:34 & 2:05); but it was so exhilarating to be out on the oval, knocking elbows. I felt like myself again.

Just take a day off...

Self sabotage. Most runners are victims of it, at least most runners I know.

I was doing a long run with a good friend a couple of weeks ago. I knew something was off because normally she would hammer me through 90 minutes at a hellish pace and then go on to run another 30-45 minutes, but this particular day she could barely keep up. She was off...some kind of flu or bug...so when we came around our 90 minute loop I said she should stop. No NO NO. Must go on another 30 minutes. She preceded to get sicker until finally she was forced to take a couple of days of nothing and then, poof, she was better.

It's so easy to see this madness in someone else. You see the desire to be better, to go harder, to push the body beyond it's capacity for recovery...and the body rebels....and the person takes 2 weeks to recover rather than 1 day.

I'm not innocent of this crime. Just last Friday my coach stopped me mid workout because I was clearly sick. I couldn't even cool down, yet I kept asking, "can I do the workout tomorrow?" "No". And of course what did I end up doing, I ran a 20 minutes tempo run set on max speed on my treadmill.

Maybe we runners like pushing the body to the edge. Maybe we want to punish ourselves for our failures. Maybe we're just plain nuts. In the end, we must remember that we will always be better off day to day when we listen to what the body is screaming at us.

Pain

As featured in www. Mapmyrun.com

I have been thinking about pain a lot lately. Maybe it's that killer hill workout that I just finished this morning. Maybe it's all the news and commercials about miracle cures for back aches, foot pain, hip pain, and joint pain. I've been a serious athlete for 8 years. I run twice a day, I weight train, I see a massage therapist once per week and chiropractor every other week. I eat well. I sleep at least 9 hours a night and typically nap during the day. Yet, sometimes I still hurt. I don't mind the workout "lungs burning-rubbery legs-get me a barrel" kind of pain. No, I've grown to secretly crave this feeling because I know the biggest gains physically come with these two-time-aweek barn burning sessions.

The worst type of pain, by far, is that pain that prevents us (athletes) from working out. I just read an interesting article by Jane Brody about living with pain and how debilitating it can become. Back in 2004, I had first hand experience with one of those debilitating injuries. I was on a real roll early 2004. Training was going great, racing was going great. 2004 seemed like my year. I won my first national title, and then won another one in a different event. I broke an American record that was formerly held by the most notorious drug cheat in the sport and I was on my way to the World Champs. It was the most surreal experience of my life. That dream that so many people have of making an Olympic team suddenly seemed possible.

I ended up placing 4th at the World Champs, not bad for a girl who quit running as a freshman in high school and didn't return to it for more than a decade! Unfortunately, in one of the early rounds, I was tripped by a competitor and smashed my knee. I was very good at ignoring pain then, so I didn't even think about it in the next rounds or in the next couple of weeks. It wasn't until my knee became so swollen and painful that I couldn't walk up or down stairs that I was forced to stop running. I iced it so much that at one point the skin turned black from frostbite. I suppose the universe decided to punish me for quitting so early in my life and at a time when I was starting to love it the most. What a cruel lesson.

After 3 months of time off, I finally got a reluctant ok to start which was one month before the Olympic Trials. It wasn't the kind of running that gives one a lot of confidence…it was run 15-20 minutes and ice. As long as it didn't swell, I was allowed to run. I pushed the envelope. Sometimes I would run 3 times a day at what had to be close to my 5k race pace. 3 weeks before the trials I hopped into my first track race since the worlds. It didn't go well. I ran my slowest time in years for an 800m and I walked away from the track unable to hold back my tears of frustration. Time was not an ally and I soon found myself at the Olympic Trials. In my best event, the 800m, the event where months before I had been one of the best, I didn't even make it past the first round. I remember some kids coming up to me right after to ask for my autograph.I was so embarrassed from my lame performance that I asked them if they were sure they still wanted it.

I did better in the 1500 at the end of the week. I came in 2nd, running a personal best, which, as good as it seemed, wasn't good enough to go to the Olympics that year (because of rule changes for that particular year, I didn't make the team. The same set of circumstances in any other Olympic year, including the upcoming Olympic year would have placed me on the team).

The problem with injuries and chronic pain is that they seep into so many facets of our lives. That one little spot of injured tissue can set off events in the body that can cause systemic and chronic pain for weeks, months and even years. They change our whole being, For years I couldn't let my injury go. That's who I was -- Injured girl. Maybe because I couldn't let it go, I kept getting hurt over and over again in the most bizarre ways: bone spurs, stress fractures, hot spots, muscle tears, adrenal fatigue. I was completely breaking down. From what I know now about stress hormones, this isn't so surprising. I spent 3 years searching for a cure. I moved cross country, left my coach, changed my life. What I didn't realize then is that the cure wasn't 3000 miles away.

One night, depressed, unable to even run 1 mile without extreme fatigue, I called my old coach to tell him I was quitting. Instead, he convinced me to come home and give it another try, no pressure, just one step at a time. And I did. What I didn't realize in all that time was that the cure was to take some time to heal, to stay around positive people, to forgive myself for not doing well and move on. That was a couple of months ago, and now I'm running better than ever and looking forward to those 2008 Olympic Trials.