‘A man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive ... and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life, and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done.’
- Vince Lombardi

I had a good friend once tell me that any thing is possible but you have to believe in it down to the very core of your being, to every cell, to every molecule so that everything is working toward that goal...and I do believe that.

Where's eden?

I raced in Providence this past weekend for the USATF Championship 5k. My team won!!! which was very exciting, considering a couple of months ago I had literally thrown away all running gear thinking I would be cycling and doing yoga and kayaking and rock climbing. I discovered battling it out on heartbreak hill with ten other women is much better than standing in contorting poses in a 125 degree hot yoga studio. That's just not my thing.

Anyway, I'm at the race and my entire team, except me, was allowed into the "elite" tent. Our leader, Erin offered to sneak my bag in so it would be safe, but I opted for a hiding it in bush instead. How far I've wandered from the garden. oh well, no complaints...I still pr'd

Women's Olympic Marathon Trials 2008

The marathon is truly an amazing event. There is so much time for so much to happen that even favorites are not certainties. I went in to Boston to watch the women’s trials earlier today and I came away awed and with a deep found respect for the event and the runners. So much can happen in a race so long, both good and bad, it almost seems that it is the cruelest and most unpredictable of all running events.

Running can be a sport of privilege where some people are given every advantage—altitude houses, anti-gravity treadmills, expensive trainers and experts, traveling to training camps all over the place. It can be a sport of dishonesty, where lately it seems that most of the very best have gotten there by cheating. But running is also one of those rare sports where occasionally plain old talent, hard work and planning pay off.

This is why I was most happy to see Blake earn that Olympic spot. Blake is one of the toughest, most persistent runners I’ve ever encountered. Mike likes recounting a time over 6 years ago doing a workout with her when after finishing about 5 miles worth of hard intervals on the track, she kept asking to do more (and faster) intervals. Mike asked Sev what pace and Sev kept saying…I don’t know, just follow Blake…I think their last mile was in 4:40 and Sev finally convinced her to stop. Although I haven’t seen Blake or Sev in some time, I am truly happy that she made it. It’s nice seeing good things happen to good people…finally!

Finding the Cookie

Wow, it’s been almost 2 months since I’ve written last. So much has happened, both good and bad.

I’ll get the bad out of the way first. Zoe, my beloved coon hound, has cancer, lymphoma to be exact. I had suspected something was amiss about 2 months ago, but the vet at the Hawthorne Animal Clinic assured me that it was just Lyme disease, acquired from a run in the woods no doubt. One day Zoe simply wouldn’t get up. I rushed her back to the same clinic but this time they said it was most definitely cancer. I brought her to an oncologist the next day and he said the lymphoma was stage 3 or 4. He indicated that treated in stage one or two, 95% of dogs go into complete remission without reoccurrence. At stage 3-4, he gave her 30 days without treatment. So now every Wednesday we drop Zoe off for a ½ day of chemotherapy. I love that darn dog. I’ll never be angry for her pilfering entire loaves of bread, entire chicken roasts and anything accidentally left on the counter top again.

The second bit of bad news was that I had torn a muscle that flexes the big toe (flexor hallicus longus) just before the Tyson meet and ripped it a bit more at Tyson. Who does that? After 10 day of cross training and some bizarre strengthening exercises, I seem to be ok. The body is so weird. Why does it betray so many runners? I started seeing this amazing strength and conditioning coach, Mike Boyle (www.bodybyboyle.com) and I could see his immediate frustration with distance runners. He said, “I always ask middle/distance runners what injuries they have or just got over because without exception they all have had an injury, are injured or on the verge of injury. I don’t see that in other sports.” The same mechanism that makes runners shut out the “pain” during a race, is what makes runners shut out the “pain” when on the verge ripping or damaging something. Certainly, there has to be a different way, a more balanced way of existing.

These low points really force one into a state of introspection. I remember a time in college when I was taking art classes at the MFA (with the Tufts affiliation program) and I came across this amazing painting of Job, afflicted, screaming out to God ,”WHY?”. I was an atheist then, frustrated with all those moments when it seemed that God allowed some of the worst atrocities to happen to the most virtuous people. Life seemed so unfair, how could a creator allow these things to occur. Now I believe that sometimes there is no reason, no reason that good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. … no reason, but there is always hope. Sometimes that hope comes in forms and places that are completely unexpected, but if you hang in there, stay optimistic, and look for the signs, you can find greatness and even happiness in those dark moments.

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The week between Zoe’s first and second chemo treatment was glorious. We went to the beach every day, I cooked her an anti-cancer diet, I practiced the energy therapy that I had learned in massage therapy school, but most importantly, I found time to reflect and appreciate a steadfast companion and friend. We fondly recalled the time she ate 40 bulky rolls at Mike’s 30^th birthday part or managing to unzip a duffle bag and open 2 boxes of girl scout cookies. A week after Zoe started chemo, we found out her cancer went into complete remission, with no signs of cancer in any of the tests. The vet said it was a small miracle.

My foot, of course was completely secondary to all this, but still a blow. Rather than my usually course of abusive cross training, I simply let it go. I would not punish myself this time. Sure I diligently rode the bike, went to the pool, went to my lifting sessions…but I also went out and got a job that was completely unrelated to running. What a blessing this has been. I work with a great group of brilliant women that have provided great balance to my life.

Maybe that is the secret: balance, appreciating what is good, having goals and enjoying the process of reaching them, being persistent, and expecting good things to happen. One thing that dog has taught me…if you search the counters diligently enough, you are bound to find a tasty morsel.

Valentine's Day

I met my husband, Michael, through, what else, but running. We were both running for a local running club. I was in the novice group and he was in the elite group. How envious I was of that group of select athletes who were given a uniform and a pair of shoes and were chosen to compete for the club. I can't believe the things I did then...like riding my bike 10 miles to practice or getting 6 hours of sleep every night, going out with friends just about every night of the week, trying to eat less than 1200KCal a day because I thought I was chunky . No wonder I never made the elite team!

Even before I started dating Michael, he was helping me with my running. I must have looked so ridiculous at the workouts because I would always hammer the strides and then bomb during the outrageously long intervals. With that group it was really the only opportunity to run fast, and boy did I love running fast. Mike tried to key me into the fact that maybe it wasn't so cool to hammer the strides...This was my first lesson. Later it was, "Jen, you may not want to always "win" the workouts." The worst lesson was when I started running the 800 and he gave me the race strategy of, "Go as hard as you can to the 600...don't worry about that last 200, just see what you have for a 600." Of course, for those of you who have run an 800 know, running as hard as possible to 600m makes for a very ugly last 200m!

Michael has helped me in so many ways--being my workout partner, finding me good coaching, calming me down before races, making sure I'm eating well and taking care of myself, becoming a massage therapist to help keep me healthy (how lucky am I?); but perhaps the biggest thing he has ever done for me is make me believe that I am something better. He has this unquestioning belief that I can do whatever I want, even when I'm not so sure. He has always been in the background supporting me, for reasons I will never know. Why would he ever think that I would ever amount to anything in running? Yet, when I first ran 2:03 he told me that if I ran 2:01 I should consider running full time just to see what's in there...about a week later I ran 2:01 and that season I ran 2:00 about 10 times! So began my glorious life as "professional" runner.

I think a lot of young athletes, maybe even older ones, too, think that the sport is very glamorous and that the "pros" make a ton of money doing exactly what we love to do. Well, kids, don't drop out of school or quit your jobs unless you are committed to a life of 10% glory and 90% grueling work, injuries, and financial instablity. Believe me, that 10% makes it 100% worth it...but it is not for the faint of heart. It takes sacrifice on the part of the athlete, but also on every one else in their lives. You can't do it without support.

When Mike and I were first married, 10 years ago, we received a beautiful set of silverware. I loved it...that girly part in me just loved the nice forks and spoons. It cost a ton of money. I had a small sponsorship deal at the time, but not nearly enough to cover expenses, and one day I took that beautiful set of silver and sold it to pay for a trip to a race. I guess it was worth it because I ran really well. This exactly sums up my life, our lives with running--Selling a wedding gift to run a race to run a good time.

And so on this Valentine's Day, this day of celebrating love, I will be on a plane to Arkansas for a race; but this is the life that we signed up for, and there is no better gift than running as a team.

The value of nothing.

Don't underestimate the value of doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering. -A. A. Milne (Pooh's little instruction book)

My days are getting more and less intense now.

Workouts are increasingly harder, fun but hard. Our last one Tuesday was with the Peabody 4x800 team (josh squared, ryan & ramses) who could very well be the very best and toughest high school 4x800 team I've ever seen. We ran sets of race pace 300s with short rest. By the end no one was standing.

The time in between runs, workouts and lifting sessions, however, is an exercise in nothing. I've been doubling just about every day, although the morning runs are pushed later and later. Can I still count it as a morning run if I start at 11:45am? The naps are longer and longer. I would hate to hear the statistic of how much of my life I've slept away.

I almost think that I should feel guilty about the nothingness, but I don't. I accomplish more in this time of nothing than I would trying to fill my time with "important" stuff that truly is nothing.

FAITH, HOPE, LOVE & LUCK

A couple of years ago my beloved sister gave me a key chain charm in the shape of a four leaf clover. Each leaf had a saying...Faith, Love, Hope & Luck.

I don't know exactly when it happened but the clover leaf busted a part so all I have left now is Faith and Love.

This past weekend I ran the GBTC 800. I won't pretend that I wasn't a tad disappointed. We're on a tough schedule now where we've spent the past couple of weeks packing in really tough- to the ground-warm spits- heavy eye lids- numb arm -grind -type workouts. I've been feeling so good about my training, though. My mileage is good, my interval times are right on. I'm working my butt off. Just a couple of seconds faster and I would have been happy. Don't runners say that all the time? I wonder if there is someone who doesn't say that...Maybe after running a world record or winning a gold medal (or both) someone may say that, but I can't imagine who else would be satisfied. Needless to say, I don't think my coach was very satisfied with the race either. We did a hard 1200 once everyone cleared out and are schedule to do a hard work out tonight, just two days later.

When we sat down at the beginning of the middle phase of training, my coach and I agreed, we're training through indoors. The main goal is June, July and God willing August. It seemed so easy to say "train through" in December, but now that the races are HERE, I find myself wishing that my legs weren't so tired or at least not so swollen from being ripped a part in the workouts. That is where a coach can be so valuable...someone to stay objective and even-keeled through all the raging storms of running and racing and training.

Faith, Hope, Love, & Luck. So much of a dream is made of these things.

I know that I have to keep Faith that I'm on the right path. This isn't always easy when doubt sneaks it's way back into my mind, or when the workouts are so hard I don't know if I can finish them. Still, I have Love for running that I've never known before. Being hurt so much in the past years and now (knock on wood) not feeling any pain is a amazing. Oh..I get tired and the workouts hurt, but it's liberating to run and not worry about breaking something.

Now if I could only find where I put Hope and Luck I might be a track to do something big...

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I can't believe it. I just found my Luck and my Hope!
Not even 15 minutes after writing this post, there they were sitting right out in the open like they were just waiting to be found.